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CareGiving - Don't let it get you down!
Reprinted from GATEWAY Magazine by permission by Debra Englander
Debra's article is for ideas & guidance only, Asbury UMC has no control
over content or accuracy of article.
Digital
Lifelines
How to talk to parents about Aging
Sites That Care
Digital Lifelines
Email, pagers and online resources can make
caring for aging relatives a whole lot easier
In the next few years, there's a good
chance you'll take on the role of caregiver for ailing parents or aging
relatives. Nearly one-fourth of American households already care
for someone over age 50 as record numbers of baby boomers, along with
their parents, get older. In 1900, for example, only 4% of the
population lived past 65. Today, there are some 34 million people
aged 65 and older, and that number is expected to surpass 50 million in
only 20 years. That may be pretty good news but it also throws up
a host of concerns (to learn more about talking to older parents, see
How to talk to parents about Aging).
When a relative suddenly falls seriously
ill, you may not know what to do. "Caregiving is such an emotional
experience because we're dealing with potentially life-and-death issues
for people whom we love," says Suzanne Mintz, president and cofounder of
the National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA) in Kensington, Md.
(see below for online resources). There are several ways to deal
with immediate caregiving issues. A good first step is to hire an
eldercare attorney who can help with traditional legal matters and also
refer you to other experts. At his Hendersonville, Tenn., firm,
for example, elder-law attorney, Timothy L. Takacs takes a "holistic"
approach to client needs. "We can draft a will or power of
attorney," explains Takacs. "When someone has questions about the
type of care provided at a nursing home, we can help look at the
available facilities and evaluate the care."
Just a few years back, caregivers had to
spend hours on the phone to find information about nursing homes or
assistance programs. If you lived in another state, you were lost.
Today, the Internet provides access to directory listings of care
facilities, medical and financial info and contacts, support groups and
more. But, of course, technology is only a tool.
"Caregiving requires so much personal
intervention that you can't automate the process," says Karen Stevenson
Brown, publisher of Elderweb.
No gadget or software can replace loving care. But "with the
Internet," says Brown, "you can figure out your options and get
information quickly."
By logging onto the Net, for example, you
can learn about ongoing medical research, government programs and
medical aid. On several occasions, says the NFCA's Suzanne Mintz,
whose husband has MS, she logged onto bulletin boards to ask about
specific drugs and symptoms related to her husband's illness. You
can also find a wide range of support groups online. Having a
community of people who understand what you're going through can be very
beneficial. "Information may be empowering," says Mintz, "but when
you're going through a crisis of caregiving, you need someone to help
you sort through the information."
Remember, too, that there's no "seal of
approval" for Internet sources. Try to get information from
government, association or university sites before cruising commercial
ones, which tend to be selling something. Double-check your
referrals. Always ask questions.
Technology also offers immediate and
fail-safe communications for family and caregivers, whether local or
long-distance. For example, email eases the difficulties of
conflicting time zones and some of the legal requirements. Linda
Humphrey, a Seattle architectural writer, lives near her 88-yearold
mother, Wilma, who's now in a nursing home. Linda's sister, Mary,
lives in Santa Fe. The sisters frequently talk on the phone but,
says Linda, "We are trustees of our father's estate, so I'll email her
because we need to have a written record."
If your relatives are alert enough, you
might also consider logging them on. Attorney Takacs, for
instance, gave his old computer to his parents after he upgraded his
office equipment. He taught his mother how to send and receive
email, use the Internet as well as perform a few rudimentary word
processing tasks. Within a year, Takacs had to buy her a new PC
because she was frustrated by the old computer's slow speed. "Make
sure you get your relatives a powerful machine and set it up for them,"
advises Takacs. "My mother had no computer skills but now she
loves it. She's found childhood friends via the Internet and she
finds it more convenient than writing." In fact, Takacs is now
thinking of getting a Webcam and cable interface service so they can
have face-to-face meetings online.
Email and online resources are lifting a
great deal of the burden of caregiving, leaving more time and energy for
actual care. High tech can help in other ways.
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Emergency services
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Personal Emergency Response Systems (PERS)
have been around for a couple of decades and there are now more than
30 companies providing such services.
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But these systems have recently been
refined.
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PERS are designed to allow someone to
remain self-sufficient at home even though he or she require some
oversight or aid.
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The services are also useful when a
caregiver can't be around 24 hours a day
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Pagers
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Beepers
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Call Buttons
Each system roughly works by pressing a
button on, say, a wristband or pendant that connects to a phone line.
A call is then placed to an emergency response center. Depending
on instructions at the center, police, medical personnel or family are
contacted and dispatch to the caller's home.
Today, some of the systems are interactive,
so once you press the button, you can talk to an operator. The
operator could then ask what kind assistance you need. Among the
newer features, American Medical Alert has special activators, including
a touch pad and a breath switch, to accommodate handicapped people who
can't press a button. Fees vary, though generally there is a
onetime installation fee and a monthly monitoring rate. One
variation on PERS is the SOSPhone, a battery-operated cellular phone
with buttons for 911, auto emergency and the 24-hour monitoring center.
A patient or caregiver could use this anywhere in the country.
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Medication services
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Similar to PERS are services that
alert you when it's time to take medication.
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PageMinder, for example, pages you
with a customized message, like, "Take your red pills"
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MedReminder works similarly but
includes a pager
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Software support
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Most helpful to caregivers and their
patients is the ability to talk with other people to compare
experiences and learn how to cope with specific problems.
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Just released this spring are two
interactive programs in the Virtual Conversations series,
from Interactive Drama, a software developer in Bethesda, Md.
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The programs use voice recognition,
so you can ask questions of patients and caregivers
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The were developed in conjunction
with the National Institute of Child Health an Human Development of
the National Institutes of Health
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One deals with amputees and the
other, brain injuries.
What's ahead? As more information
becomes available, the Internet will make it easier to navigate
different stages of caregiving.
Elderweb's Karen Stevens Brown predicts access to databases that
cover housekeeping to companions, as well as medical and nursing
information.
Just keep in mind that the Net can't
replace face-to-face interaction. "The Internet will let you do
background research and may enable you to make the right connections,"
advises Brown. "But there's no substitute for a visit to a nursing home
or interviewing a prospective caregiver."
DEBRA WISHIK ENGLANDER
is a New York personal finances and business writer and editor
Sites That Care
And some helpful books:
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Baby Boomer's Guide to Caring
for Aging Parents by Bart Astor (Macmillan/IDG)
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The Comfort of Home: An
Illustrated Step-by-Step Guide for Caregivers by Maria M. Meyer with
Paula Derr, RN (Caretrust)
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The Cost of Caring: Money Skills for
Caregivers by Anne M. Johnson & Ruth Rejnis (John Wiley & Sons)
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How to Care for Aging Parents by
Virginia Morris (Workman Publishing)
How to
talk to parents about Aging
If you're concerned about whether or not
your loved ones will be well cared for as they age, the best advice, say
eldercare experts, is to talk to them while they're still active and
healthy. These conversations may be difficult or awkward.
But discussions while your parents are still able to make their own
decisions can save you lots of heartache-and hassles, later on. If
your parents refuse to talk to you, suggest their attorney, accountant
or a trusted friend.
You'll have to deal with the same
financial, legal, medical and insurance issues whether you're providing
care for a relative who lives across town or one thousands of miles
away.
The primary concerns:
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Financial Security - Have your parents
set aside money to cover hospital bills, nursing home fees or other
services? Do you have a complete record of your parents' finances
and access to their bank and brokerage accounts? If not, do you
know their attorney? Have your parents drawn up durable
powers-of-attorney documents, a will, living will, medical-care proxy
and other legal documents?
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Medical needs - Can your parents remain
at home with visiting health aides to provide assistance? If not,
what type of care facility do they need - assisted living or nursing
home?
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Responsibility - Who will be the primary
caregiver? Even when family members live nearby, it's rare for
siblings to share responsibilities equally. There's usually some
division of financial and actual caregiving duties. If you're
shouldering most of the caregiving, stay in touch with family members,
so you can ask for help when you need it. Sometimes, a regular
weekly email message can be used to quickly bring everyone up-to-date.
Crisis Help
- Asbury UMC provides these pages as a service & is not responsible for any information contained on any linked page. The contents of these linked pages are the sole responsibility of the provider.
Revised:
February 16, 2008 |
