HOLIDAY LONELINESS

Symptoms of Normal Grief

Feelings (emotions)

• Shock

• Numbness

• Relief

• Emancipation

• Sadness

• Yearning

• Anxiety

• Fear

• Anger

• Guilt and Self-reproach

• Loneliness

• Helplessness

• Hopelessness

• Abandonment

• Loss of Control

Conditions (thoughts)

• Disbelief

• Confusion

• Inability to Concentrate

• Preoccupation with Thoughts of the Deceased

• Sense of Presence

• Visual and Auditory Hallucinations

• Dreams of the Deceased

• Sense of Going Crazy

Physical Sensations

• Hollowness in Stomach

• Tightness in Chest

• Heart Palpitations

• Over sensitivity to Noise

• Sense of Depersonalization (Nothing seems real, including self)

• Breathlessness

• Weakness and / or Tension in Muscles

• Lack of Energy

• Dry Mouth

• Gastrointestinal Disturbances

• Loss of Sexual Desire

Complex Behaviors

• Sleep Disturbances

• Appetites Disturbances

• Searching and Calling Out

• Crying

• Sighing

• Seeing the Deceased

• Absent Minded Behavior

• Restless Over activity

• Visiting or Avoiding Places that Remind one of the Deceased

• Carrying Objects that Belonged to the Deceased

• Treasuring Objects that Belonged to the Deceased

• Avoidance of Reminders of the Deceased

• Social Withdrawal

• Lack of Capacity to Initiate and Maintain Routine Activities

• Talking on Mannerisms or Behaviors of the Deceased

Adapted from:
Grief Counseling And Grief Therapy
by J.W. Worden
and
Bereavement
by C.M. Parkes

Signs of Complicated Grief

The following are indicators that the grief process might be complicated. 

It should be noted, however, that any one of these symptoms, by itself or lasting a short period of time falls within the expected normal reaction to a loss.

• Absence of emotion.

• Over activity without a sense of loss.

• Panic attacks.

• Phobias.

• Symptoms belonging to the illness of the deceased.

• Development of an illness psychosomatic in nature.

• Depression marked by exaggerated feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, self-accusations, and need for punishment

• Acts detrimental to ones social and economic existence -giving away belongings, foolish economic dealings.

• Excessive use of alcohol and / or drugs.

• Continued avoidance behavior.

• Progressive isolation.

• Extreme hostility.

• Acts not conducive to ones physical well being - speeding, driving while intoxicated, starting fights, not avoiding danger on the job.

• Continued suicidal thoughts.

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5 Common myths about grief

Myth #1  Grief and mourning are the same experience

Grief is the thoughts and feelings that are experienced within oneself upon the death of someone loved.  In other words, grief is the internal meaning given to the experience of bereavement.

Mourning is taking the internal experience of grief and expressing it outside of oneself.  The specific ways in which people express mourning are influenced by customs of their culture

Myth #2  There is a predictable and orderly stage-like progression to the experience of mourning.

Just as different people die in different ways, people mourn in different ways.   Expecting anything less would be to demonstrate a lack of respect for the uniqueness of the person.

Myth #3  It is best to move away from grief instead of toward it.

Persons who continue to express their grief outwardly are often viewed as 'weak", "crazy" or "self-pitying."  The common message is "shape up and get on with your life".  The reality is that many people view grief as something to be overcome rather than experienced.  The result of these kind of messages is to encourage the repression of the griever's thoughts and feelings.

Myth #4  Following the death of someone significant to you, the goal is to "get over" your grief.

The pain changes from being ever-present, sharp, and stinging to an acknowledged feeling of loss that has given rise to renewed meaning and purpose.  The sense of loss does not completely disappear yet softens and the intense pangs of grief become less frequent.  Hope for a continued life emerges as the griever is able to make commitments to the future, realizing that the dead person will never be forgotten yet knowing that one's own life can and will move forward.

Myth #5  Tears expressing grief are only a sign of weakness.

The expression of tears are not a sign of weakness.  The capacity of the mourner to share tears is an indication of the willingness to do the "work of mourning."

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